Doctor’s Advice:Getting naked online – Jamaica Gleaner

Doctor, I am female, age 16. I am rather lonely. I have never had sex, but for some time now, I have been corresponding by email with a 17-year-old guy in Canada. We have got very close, and he has become an important part of my life. I sent him my picture recently, and he said I have a beautiful face. In fact, he told me he thinks he loves me. Well, that is all good. But something else has happened this week. He has asked me to ‘strip off’ and let him see my breasts and also my private places. He says he would be so grateful. But I am not so sure, Doc. Part of me says that it would be OK, since this is a guy who loves me. But part of me is scared to do such a thing. What is your opinion, please?

A: My opinion is that you are being deceived. Sadly, I have seen several cases where teens were fooled by an online ‘friend’ into taking off their clothes and (eventually) to doing various indecent actions in front of a camera.

When this kind of thing happens, very often, the ‘friend’ is really a middle-aged or elderly man who likes to sexually exploit teenagers.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you have no proof at all that your new ‘friend’ really is a 17-year-old boy. My guess is that he may turn out to be some balding guy of 53 or so! Has he sent you a photo? If so, it may well have been of someone else.

These men usually behave in a particular way. They find a teenager who is lonely or who is short of friends. Then they start ‘filling a gap’ in her life by being extremely nice and friendly online. Soon, the girl becomes dependent on them.

After a while, they start getting the young female to do sexual things in front of a still camera or on Skype. And once the girl has done that, the naked images may end up anywhere on the Internet!

In some cases, the guy actually persuades the teenager to meet him. Rather unbelievably, it sometimes happens that at these meetings, the poor girl is so carried away by her emotions that she just accepts the fact that her ‘young lover’ is really a middle-aged man. There have been cases where the teen actually went to bed with the guy, even though she could see that he was 30 or 40 years older than she.

Of course, I may be totally wrong. Maybe there really is a 17-year-old boy in Canada who thinks your picture is lovely and who wants you to take your clothes off for him. But I do not think that is very likely.

By far the wisest thing would be to bring this email correspondence to an end and to get out and make some real friends – in the real world. If there is a wise, older person (like a counsellor, nurse, or pastor) in your area, it would be a good idea to seek further advice there. I wish you well.

Itchy genitals

I tried using a condom for the first time last week, Doc. It was with my regular girlfriend. But a couple of hours later, I found that my organ was badly swollen, tender and itchy! It has only just gone down. Was this an allergy?

A: Almost certainly. Like quite a few guys, you seem to be allergic to the latex (or perhaps to other chemicals) in ordinary condoms.

So I don’t think you should use ‘regular’ condoms again. Fortunately, it is possible to buy ‘lo-allergy’ condoms in Jamaica. Sometimes pharmacies sell them as non-latex condoms.

If you can’t find any in shops, then it’s easy to buy them via the Internet. Just type in the words ‘buy low-allergy condoms’, and you will be offered around 26 million sites.

An easy alternative would be for your girlfriend to start using the female condom, which does not contain latex or the allergenic chemicals that often go with it.

Can the Pill kill my sex drive?

If I go on the Pill, will it turn me off sex, as I have heard, Doc?

A: That is most unlikely. A few females do lose their libido when they go on the Pill, but it has been a long time since I saw such a case. And if it happens, it is easy to switch the woman to another brand of Pill.

In reality, many females get much more sexually active on the Pill because they know that they don’t have to fret about getting pregnant.

Way too quick

Doc, when I go with girls, I discharge much too quickly. Would that ‘Jamaica stone’ stuff help me?

A: Well, it might be worth a try. All I can tell you about it is that it is a herbal preparation, and, therefore, seems to be unlikely to cause side effects.

If you have premature ejaculation (PE), then it is not a good idea to sleep around. Promiscuous behaviour won’t improve your condition. If you have a nice, long-term understanding girlfriend, then she could help you defeat this problem – especially if she uses the famous Masters-Johnson grip on you.

Another approach would be to try Long Love condoms, which contain a small amount of local anaesthetic. If they don’t help, then you could see a doctor, and he could prescribe some useful medication.

Menstrual chaos

I was given the contraceptive injection a month ago, and since then, I have bled without ceasing. Help me, Doc!

A: Unfortunately, ‘the shot’ does often cause menstrual chaos. This bleeding may ease up soon.

But if it doesn’t, then you should go to a doctor and ask him to give you some hormone pills to dry things up. You would probably need to stay on these for several weeks or months.

Cousin wants sex

I am a girl of 17, and my male cousin in the country (who is 20) has been pestering me for sex. Do you think this is a good idea, Doc?

A: Definitely not! If you get pregnant, there is a greatly increased chance that the child will be abnormal.

Multiple climax

Doctor, please answer a question that I dare not ask anyone else. Does it harm a guy if he has more than one climax in an evening?

A: No, it doesn’t harm him at all, so you can cease fretting.

Should I discharge everytime?

Should a girl be able to discharge every time she has sex? My friends have told me that this is so, but I am not doing it.

A: Your friends are wrong. Many younger women take several years to learn how to orgasm, though others do not.

But an important fact which many young people do not realise is that intercourse alone will not generally cause a young woman to climax. Recent research has shown that most females need a good deal of clitoral stimulation if they are to reach an orgasm.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com, and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.